To those of you who received my letter recently.....
I am sorry.
I wrote this well typed, proper English letter, clicked save, did a test run and all was fine.
Then checked it again after I had sent out oh 50 of them via email. It was then I realized my updated letter with proper English was actually the one with improper English and typos.
For that I am sorry. I tried to make it all look professional and I failed.
I still can not find the letter that didn't have typos and was in proper English. Maybe I didn't click save after all.
Apparently not huh?
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
A Stick In Time
Today was a milestone day.
*drum roll*
I learned how to stick myself with a needle!!
I'm not gonna lie.. it hurt. Well at least on my upper thigh. I soon will learn if the other areas hurt as bad.
I knew the post baby belly fat that has been lingering since Coop would come in handy some day!! Thank you God for post baby belly fat, the better to stick you with.
If my stomach welps up like my leg did my tummy is going to look fabulous!! I might look like I have a 12 pack.
*drum roll*
I learned how to stick myself with a needle!!
I'm not gonna lie.. it hurt. Well at least on my upper thigh. I soon will learn if the other areas hurt as bad.
I knew the post baby belly fat that has been lingering since Coop would come in handy some day!! Thank you God for post baby belly fat, the better to stick you with.
If my stomach welps up like my leg did my tummy is going to look fabulous!! I might look like I have a 12 pack.
Monday, August 17, 2009
My Story
I was thinking, some of you may not know the 'whole' story leading me up to today. So here it goes....
In the fall of 2004, Matt and I were working at a boy's ranch. We lived out in the country, which we loved, but living in the country comes with issues; allergies. I suffered from them terribly, so I made an appointment with my primary doctor in Tulsa. He gives me an allergy shot. I off handedly mentioned when I tilted my head forward, the tips of my toes tingled. He did a few in office tests testing my range of motion. All was fine. He was baffled, so he sent me to have an MRI of my neck, thinking something was going on with my neck. Makes sense.
Results came back and nothing was wrong. I let it go, I was still able to run like a wild woman, so I didn't worry about it.
Summer of 2005, we were living in Claremore. If you have ever been to Claremore, they have a lovely running trail along their 'lake.' It's so nice. I did what any runner would do, I became obsessed with running... so I ran and ran and ran. (why I ran so much is another story)
One day, I took off running. I got 20 feet and Bam! my legs were completely numb and tingly from the hips down. I stopped for a minute, took a few deep breaths, and attempted it again. Nope, it wasn't happening. I took a few days off, thinking I had just over done it.
A few days later, I try again. Negative. It wasn't happening.
I make an appointment with a doctor who sends me to have another MRI. Nothing really wrong. I get sent to a 'pain specialist.' I get epidural injections. They don't work. I see a neurosurgeon. He sends me to have more MRI's. This time he does a contrast of my brain. The contrast showed no MS. It shows a cyst in my neck. No big deal, so I'm told.
Soooo, I had spent $6,000 plus and didn't get a single answer, well I take that back I was told 'no MS.' The neurosurgeon referred me to a shrink. Ya, I didn't pay his bill. I am no longer allowed to see him as a patient. "Good riddens" I say.
In October of 2005, Matt and I go to Minnesota. He had to attend a five week training and I went along. When we got back from the Golden State, we were going to live in Bartlesville. So we packed everything into storage and headed up north. Eh. (that's northern talk)
While in MN, things started to get better. I joined the local Y, began water aerobics with the local senior citizens, fished with a local senior gentleman and things were good.
After five weeks of northern life, which we loved, we headed back south.
On November 6th(ish), of 2005, we moved into our tiny, overpriced apartment and life was good. I began running again and things seemed normal.
A few weeks later, we learned I was pregnant. We had our daughter August of 2006, life was good.
A few months after her birth, I ran off and on, without any problems. So I started running more often. I was thrilled, never thought much about what had happened in the past. I chalked it up to over exercise.
August 2007, we were prego again! Surprise! On April 3, 2008, our son was born. I ran a few times after his birth and again, no problems.
January 2009. I hop out of my car, jog into Wal-Mart to beat the chill in the air. I hit the doors and that all to familiar feeling hit me. My right leg was tingling. "Hmm, that's strange." I rested a minute and it went away.
I waited a few months. By March, it hadn't left, so I went to a chiropractor. I thought, "Oh my back is messed up." The chiro. mentioned MS. I said, "Oh I've been tested, I came back clean."
She said, "Ya, but it can come and go."
I didn't know that. I made an appointment with an ortho. I was still in denial. He sent me to have another MRI of my neck and lower back.
I still had the cyst, but it was the same size. I had some messed up discs, so off I went to a physical therapist.
June.
I'm in the therapists office, doing an evaluation. I tell her the story starting in January. She says, "Have you been tested for MS?"
I tell her that I had and I was clean. She mentions that I need a spinal tap to be for certain.
I was angry. I thought she stepped over a line when she said those things. I wanted to be treated for a bad back!
After much thought and prayer, I realize I should make sure. I had read some things about MS and my symptoms followed along some of the lines. No symptoms during pregnancy, tingling leg, arm and I was tired.
Sooo began another journey. I went to my primary here, told her to refer me for an MRI WITH contrast of my brain and whole spine. She agreed to the brain.
My results said I had two spots, but the radiologist thought it was just from migraines. (I don't get migraines.) I knew something was probably not right.
She referred me to a neuro here in town, but I was going to have to wait 3-4 months before I could see him! I didn't have that time. A friend, has a friend, who is a rep. for Copaxone, an MS drug. I have my primary refer me to one of the neuro's she is familiar with and likes.
I wait a few weeks and get in.
He agrees I need a spinal tap. I get it. They call a week later and tell me I need to come in so the dr. can discuss the results. I knew that was bad.
My mom, husband and I are there. He begins talking, I kind of tune him out until he gets to the part I knew was coming. "Megan, there is inflammation in your fluid. That shouldn't be there. You do indeed have MS."
(big sigh) Mom cries. Matt cries. I stare at the floor. I knew it was MS. Too many things/people had crossed my path that lead me to this day. I knew God was delicately corralling me as I walked down the road. He was saying, "Stay to the left." When I wanted to go right. Going right meant I just had a bad back, left meant MS. I attempted to avoid going left, but praise HIM he kept me on the correct side of the road.
In the fall of 2004, Matt and I were working at a boy's ranch. We lived out in the country, which we loved, but living in the country comes with issues; allergies. I suffered from them terribly, so I made an appointment with my primary doctor in Tulsa. He gives me an allergy shot. I off handedly mentioned when I tilted my head forward, the tips of my toes tingled. He did a few in office tests testing my range of motion. All was fine. He was baffled, so he sent me to have an MRI of my neck, thinking something was going on with my neck. Makes sense.
Results came back and nothing was wrong. I let it go, I was still able to run like a wild woman, so I didn't worry about it.
Summer of 2005, we were living in Claremore. If you have ever been to Claremore, they have a lovely running trail along their 'lake.' It's so nice. I did what any runner would do, I became obsessed with running... so I ran and ran and ran. (why I ran so much is another story)
One day, I took off running. I got 20 feet and Bam! my legs were completely numb and tingly from the hips down. I stopped for a minute, took a few deep breaths, and attempted it again. Nope, it wasn't happening. I took a few days off, thinking I had just over done it.
A few days later, I try again. Negative. It wasn't happening.
I make an appointment with a doctor who sends me to have another MRI. Nothing really wrong. I get sent to a 'pain specialist.' I get epidural injections. They don't work. I see a neurosurgeon. He sends me to have more MRI's. This time he does a contrast of my brain. The contrast showed no MS. It shows a cyst in my neck. No big deal, so I'm told.
Soooo, I had spent $6,000 plus and didn't get a single answer, well I take that back I was told 'no MS.' The neurosurgeon referred me to a shrink. Ya, I didn't pay his bill. I am no longer allowed to see him as a patient. "Good riddens" I say.
In October of 2005, Matt and I go to Minnesota. He had to attend a five week training and I went along. When we got back from the Golden State, we were going to live in Bartlesville. So we packed everything into storage and headed up north. Eh. (that's northern talk)
While in MN, things started to get better. I joined the local Y, began water aerobics with the local senior citizens, fished with a local senior gentleman and things were good.
After five weeks of northern life, which we loved, we headed back south.
On November 6th(ish), of 2005, we moved into our tiny, overpriced apartment and life was good. I began running again and things seemed normal.
A few weeks later, we learned I was pregnant. We had our daughter August of 2006, life was good.
A few months after her birth, I ran off and on, without any problems. So I started running more often. I was thrilled, never thought much about what had happened in the past. I chalked it up to over exercise.
August 2007, we were prego again! Surprise! On April 3, 2008, our son was born. I ran a few times after his birth and again, no problems.
January 2009. I hop out of my car, jog into Wal-Mart to beat the chill in the air. I hit the doors and that all to familiar feeling hit me. My right leg was tingling. "Hmm, that's strange." I rested a minute and it went away.
I waited a few months. By March, it hadn't left, so I went to a chiropractor. I thought, "Oh my back is messed up." The chiro. mentioned MS. I said, "Oh I've been tested, I came back clean."
She said, "Ya, but it can come and go."
I didn't know that. I made an appointment with an ortho. I was still in denial. He sent me to have another MRI of my neck and lower back.
I still had the cyst, but it was the same size. I had some messed up discs, so off I went to a physical therapist.
June.
I'm in the therapists office, doing an evaluation. I tell her the story starting in January. She says, "Have you been tested for MS?"
I tell her that I had and I was clean. She mentions that I need a spinal tap to be for certain.
I was angry. I thought she stepped over a line when she said those things. I wanted to be treated for a bad back!
After much thought and prayer, I realize I should make sure. I had read some things about MS and my symptoms followed along some of the lines. No symptoms during pregnancy, tingling leg, arm and I was tired.
Sooo began another journey. I went to my primary here, told her to refer me for an MRI WITH contrast of my brain and whole spine. She agreed to the brain.
My results said I had two spots, but the radiologist thought it was just from migraines. (I don't get migraines.) I knew something was probably not right.
She referred me to a neuro here in town, but I was going to have to wait 3-4 months before I could see him! I didn't have that time. A friend, has a friend, who is a rep. for Copaxone, an MS drug. I have my primary refer me to one of the neuro's she is familiar with and likes.
I wait a few weeks and get in.
He agrees I need a spinal tap. I get it. They call a week later and tell me I need to come in so the dr. can discuss the results. I knew that was bad.
My mom, husband and I are there. He begins talking, I kind of tune him out until he gets to the part I knew was coming. "Megan, there is inflammation in your fluid. That shouldn't be there. You do indeed have MS."
(big sigh) Mom cries. Matt cries. I stare at the floor. I knew it was MS. Too many things/people had crossed my path that lead me to this day. I knew God was delicately corralling me as I walked down the road. He was saying, "Stay to the left." When I wanted to go right. Going right meant I just had a bad back, left meant MS. I attempted to avoid going left, but praise HIM he kept me on the correct side of the road.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
I am Clay
Today was going to be a rough day.
The plan? To attend a luncheon at the local Salvation Army.
The plan of attack? Load two kids in 90+ heat and then unload kids in 90+ heat.
I was scared. I didn't think this was going to go well. (The heat bothers me very much.)
I park, and I have to park far away. (Probably not far for most, but too far for me.) I almost turned around and went home, I could prophesy the outcome of parking far away, lugging two kids plus stuff in 90+ heat. I knew an episode would ensue.
I was correct.
As soon as I hit the doors of the Army, I was in a tingling attack. Not as bad as I have had, but one that put me in tears. A sweet friend helped me inside and with the kids and all that comes with said children when you go places ie. bags, bags and bags.
I had brought one of those Enfamil ice packs that are used in the travel bags for keeping formula cold. I stuffed the ice pack in my bra as I was walking in. (I'm sure I looked silly.)
I sit down, (I'm thinking, 'I wonder if people would look at me funny if I just laid supine on the gym floor here to cool off?') in an attempt to cool off and I know I looked a mess.
The ladies at my table, "You gonna eat honey?" (*my thoughts* I could not eat! I couldn't hold a pen if needed.) "You not feeling well?" (Nope) "You know pickles are supposed to help with nausea." (Nope didn't know that.) "You want a pickle?" (Not really, please quit trying to feed me.) "When are you due?" (Ok now you have hurt my feelings.) I said, "I'm not pregnant, just fat and not feeling well." They respond with the obvious apologies and assumed I was pregnant b/c my friend was. (Silly.)
So the sweet, intrusive ladies kept on with me not eating and their attempt at my need, in their minds, to eat pickles. I finally said, "I don't feel well b/c I was diagnosed with MS last week and it does this to me."
They leaned back in their chairs, ate their pickles and drank their tea.
I felt bad later because I didn't want to say anything, but jeez, there comes a point. (They were very sweet though. Plus they accused me of being prego! I needed a good comeback.)
So the lady begins to speak. She had some clay at every person's chair. She told us to get the clay out, give it to someone at our table without speaking, and mold it into something. I rolled mine out into one long snake, cut them in half and molded it into two joined hearts. I thought "That's how I feel. God is one and I am the other and we are joined more than ever right now."
After we molded, we gave our creations back to the original owner of the clay. The girl that had mine, molded a single heart! Too funny.
The point? God is the Potter and we are the clay. No matter if times are good or bad, the Potter is still molding us for his purpose. Although we feel the molding process much more when times are rough, we still have to let God work in our lives.
Don't become hardened clay and miss out the molding He is trying to do in you.
As I was leaving, kids in tow, my dear friend helped me again. A former boss hugged me and said, "I love you."
I realized in the car, that God does the molding BUT praise HIM he puts people in our lives to help us get through the painful process.
Praise God.
The plan? To attend a luncheon at the local Salvation Army.
The plan of attack? Load two kids in 90+ heat and then unload kids in 90+ heat.
I was scared. I didn't think this was going to go well. (The heat bothers me very much.)
I park, and I have to park far away. (Probably not far for most, but too far for me.) I almost turned around and went home, I could prophesy the outcome of parking far away, lugging two kids plus stuff in 90+ heat. I knew an episode would ensue.
I was correct.
As soon as I hit the doors of the Army, I was in a tingling attack. Not as bad as I have had, but one that put me in tears. A sweet friend helped me inside and with the kids and all that comes with said children when you go places ie. bags, bags and bags.
I had brought one of those Enfamil ice packs that are used in the travel bags for keeping formula cold. I stuffed the ice pack in my bra as I was walking in. (I'm sure I looked silly.)
I sit down, (I'm thinking, 'I wonder if people would look at me funny if I just laid supine on the gym floor here to cool off?') in an attempt to cool off and I know I looked a mess.
The ladies at my table, "You gonna eat honey?" (*my thoughts* I could not eat! I couldn't hold a pen if needed.) "You not feeling well?" (Nope) "You know pickles are supposed to help with nausea." (Nope didn't know that.) "You want a pickle?" (Not really, please quit trying to feed me.) "When are you due?" (Ok now you have hurt my feelings.) I said, "I'm not pregnant, just fat and not feeling well." They respond with the obvious apologies and assumed I was pregnant b/c my friend was. (Silly.)
So the sweet, intrusive ladies kept on with me not eating and their attempt at my need, in their minds, to eat pickles. I finally said, "I don't feel well b/c I was diagnosed with MS last week and it does this to me."
They leaned back in their chairs, ate their pickles and drank their tea.
I felt bad later because I didn't want to say anything, but jeez, there comes a point. (They were very sweet though. Plus they accused me of being prego! I needed a good comeback.)
So the lady begins to speak. She had some clay at every person's chair. She told us to get the clay out, give it to someone at our table without speaking, and mold it into something. I rolled mine out into one long snake, cut them in half and molded it into two joined hearts. I thought "That's how I feel. God is one and I am the other and we are joined more than ever right now."
After we molded, we gave our creations back to the original owner of the clay. The girl that had mine, molded a single heart! Too funny.
The point? God is the Potter and we are the clay. No matter if times are good or bad, the Potter is still molding us for his purpose. Although we feel the molding process much more when times are rough, we still have to let God work in our lives.
Don't become hardened clay and miss out the molding He is trying to do in you.
As I was leaving, kids in tow, my dear friend helped me again. A former boss hugged me and said, "I love you."
I realized in the car, that God does the molding BUT praise HIM he puts people in our lives to help us get through the painful process.
Praise God.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Phone Call
I just got off the phone with the advocate. I needed to tell my story in a way that showed Christ in me; there was no other way for it to make sense.
I began the conversation with, "I'm a Christian." I was not expecting the response I got...
... the advocate was also a follower of Christ.
We had such a wonderful conversation. We talked about our belief that Christ is going to use this to pour out blessings upon my family. If she had it to do over again, she wouldn't change anything. Her diagnosis has been such a blessing to her and her life. Her story is so powerful now.
I feel the same way. I know when I look back I will not change anything. When I look back to my life prior to this diagnosis there are things that were really painful to walk through BUT I am so thankful for where I am because of that pain I endured.
I know God is going to pour out blessings upon me and my family. I know it, I feel it.
I know God is going to provide a home for us and sell our home if that is what needs to happen.
So many times, MS talks can be negative and 'well I suffer from this' kind of talk. This was not that at all. I hung up the phone with a smile.. the advocate said, "I know this is going to be a blessing in your life."
Isn't that nice?
Makes me smile.
I began the conversation with, "I'm a Christian." I was not expecting the response I got...
... the advocate was also a follower of Christ.
We had such a wonderful conversation. We talked about our belief that Christ is going to use this to pour out blessings upon my family. If she had it to do over again, she wouldn't change anything. Her diagnosis has been such a blessing to her and her life. Her story is so powerful now.
I feel the same way. I know when I look back I will not change anything. When I look back to my life prior to this diagnosis there are things that were really painful to walk through BUT I am so thankful for where I am because of that pain I endured.
I know God is going to pour out blessings upon me and my family. I know it, I feel it.
I know God is going to provide a home for us and sell our home if that is what needs to happen.
So many times, MS talks can be negative and 'well I suffer from this' kind of talk. This was not that at all. I hung up the phone with a smile.. the advocate said, "I know this is going to be a blessing in your life."
Isn't that nice?
Makes me smile.
Monday, August 10, 2009
The drug company called, I don't know how to spell it, don't care really. Starts with a 'C'.
Looks like I'll be out $900 a year. Which is not too bad considering the total cost is $30,000 a year! I'll be happy about paying $900!
I did apply for a grant through the company, so hopefully they'll bless me with some relief in paying the $900. Doesn't hurt to try, I always say.
So, should be the end of this week or early next when I begin my new regimen. I'm ready.
Looks like I'll be out $900 a year. Which is not too bad considering the total cost is $30,000 a year! I'll be happy about paying $900!
I did apply for a grant through the company, so hopefully they'll bless me with some relief in paying the $900. Doesn't hurt to try, I always say.
So, should be the end of this week or early next when I begin my new regimen. I'm ready.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
River Is Rising
Michael W. Smith has a song titled 'River Is Rising.' It's MWS and a choir and a fast beat...
I feel it, I feel It, I feel It
In my bones and I just don't think I can hold it anymore
The river is rising flowing out of me
And I'm coming alive, I'm coming alive
I'm gonna dance and sing and move my feet,
cause the river is rising, flowing out of me
Got to let the world know take it to the streets
Got to dance and sing and add a shout of praise!
Hallelujah the river is rising
This is how I've been feeling lately. I feel it in my bones. I feel like God has a humungo plan for all of this; I know it. Almost like a kid on Christmas morning, that anticipation they feel, that antsy-ness, that excitement because they don't know what 'gift' they are going to find under the tree.
I don't know what 'gift' I am going to find at the feet of Christ. I know it's good. I can feel it.
I want to take this 'curse' and see it as a blessing! I want to grab it with both hands, hold it in front of me and see what happens.
You know in the movie 'Field of Dream' where James Earl Jones KNOWS people will come and he has this vision of all that is going to happen? I feel like James Earl Jones. I doubt people will show up at my house, pay $20 to see me.... but his passion about his vision is how I feel. James knew it and I know it. (That's the best part of the movie.. gives me chills.)
I prayed a while back for a purpose. And it seems I got my answer. I now have a mission field as long as it's cool outside! haha
I feel it, I feel It, I feel It
In my bones and I just don't think I can hold it anymore
The river is rising flowing out of me
And I'm coming alive, I'm coming alive
I'm gonna dance and sing and move my feet,
cause the river is rising, flowing out of me
Got to let the world know take it to the streets
Got to dance and sing and add a shout of praise!
Hallelujah the river is rising
This is how I've been feeling lately. I feel it in my bones. I feel like God has a humungo plan for all of this; I know it. Almost like a kid on Christmas morning, that anticipation they feel, that antsy-ness, that excitement because they don't know what 'gift' they are going to find under the tree.
I don't know what 'gift' I am going to find at the feet of Christ. I know it's good. I can feel it.
I want to take this 'curse' and see it as a blessing! I want to grab it with both hands, hold it in front of me and see what happens.
You know in the movie 'Field of Dream' where James Earl Jones KNOWS people will come and he has this vision of all that is going to happen? I feel like James Earl Jones. I doubt people will show up at my house, pay $20 to see me.... but his passion about his vision is how I feel. James knew it and I know it. (That's the best part of the movie.. gives me chills.)
I prayed a while back for a purpose. And it seems I got my answer. I now have a mission field as long as it's cool outside! haha
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
An Intro.
August 4, at 11:55am.
I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. (I still can't spell it with out spell check.)
11:56am. I made a choice. I choose to see the blessing and not the curse. I choose to let Christs light shine and not curl up in darkness. I choose to change lives not let life slip by. I choose to live.
The title of this blog came to me before I was diagnosed.
I read stories and most were sad and depressing. I wondered if those folks have hope? Maybe that is the missing link? I'm not generalizing, but it seemed that way.
Most people say, "I have MS." I want to say, "MS has to live with ME!!" I want to rule over it, not it rule me.
I prayed and blogged, on my other blog, that I felt I needed a purpose outside the home. Something I can do to help others: I found it.
Now pray for healing, for peace and for strength.
I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. (I still can't spell it with out spell check.)
11:56am. I made a choice. I choose to see the blessing and not the curse. I choose to let Christs light shine and not curl up in darkness. I choose to change lives not let life slip by. I choose to live.
The title of this blog came to me before I was diagnosed.
I read stories and most were sad and depressing. I wondered if those folks have hope? Maybe that is the missing link? I'm not generalizing, but it seemed that way.
Most people say, "I have MS." I want to say, "MS has to live with ME!!" I want to rule over it, not it rule me.
I prayed and blogged, on my other blog, that I felt I needed a purpose outside the home. Something I can do to help others: I found it.
Now pray for healing, for peace and for strength.
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